Gensokyo Diaries IV: Eirin
by Amoridere
Summary: We read Eirin's diary, leading up to fourth and final entry
1. I've opened a clinic

Eirin's Diary, entry 1: I've opened a clinic

_I wanted things to be a bit more like home or, rather, like it originally was it Gensokyo, so I'v recently opened up a clinic. It's such good news and, recently, I've gotten my first patient, Reimu. She really needs this, after all her health tends to plummit and then skyrockets, so such a thing as a clinic closer to her home would be good for her. Right now, she is staying in overnight and is looking to engage is conversations. I happily look forward to speaking with her._

_-八意 永琳_


	2. Ran's Pups

Eirin's Diary, entry 3: Ran's Pups

_I haven't seen them in awhile but, not too long ago, I had closed down my clinic so I could help deliver Ran's babies. When I had seen her, she was quite well-rounded but a tad pale. Of course, she usually is. She went into labor today and I was there to assist her. She had given birth to a total of six pups, all not much bigger than an orange and weighing no more than a few ounces. Sadly, three were stillborn but, in all pleasantness and to our joy, three were healthy. As for myself, I guess I shall stay here, as going back could ensure my capture._

_-八意 永琳_


	3. Yukari's Madness

Eirin's Diary, entry 3: Yukari's Madness

_Yukari it seems has gone ill with mental illness. I've tried everything I possibly could to ease it but it wasn't enough, so I was forced to blindfold her and place her in the basement. I am not happy about this and neither is Chen and Reimu but I had to for her safety and ours. I can only hope she'll get better but then again, she may not. Either way, placing her down there did draw up tension, leading Chen to go down there and stay. I don't know what more there is to do._

_-八意 永琳_


	4. Finale

Eirin's Diary, entry 4: Finale

_I never did think it would come to this, really. I know I can't die but, yet, I yearn to do nothing more that to do so. Nothing seems to matter anymore and I feel colder than the winter that had came. I am detached from the world and the world is just as detached from the winter. So far, I hear talk of the moving elsewhere. They can go but I will stay here, alone, for the remainder of time and moving elsewhere is going to get us captured. I shall go and take this scalpel of mine and feel death, a sweet release that only the mortals would like no more than to avoide, except in times like these. As I write, I feel the even colder tears roll down my face. I feel so cold, just so cold, even death has more warmth than this._

_I know one thing, it is sheer hell living with worries, alopecia, upsets and, now, apparently, anemia. It is sheer hell living when you get treated rather badly and do all you can but it is never enough to help or please anyone. I forgive it, after all, they are not to blame. It is sheer hell living in virtual silence, knowing that voicing your concerns crould create upset. It is hell feeling helpless and cold in a winter that feels even warmer than you. It is even more hell running, knowing that you'll be captured. It is hell living in uncertaintly and is even more hell knowing there is no escape. It is hell living and resenting a child that has done nothing to you but still you resent her. It is hell living and, as your hair falls out, thinking you are ugly. Hell, it is utter hell being alive and I want nothing more than be held in death's embrace!_

_I wonder how my suicide note would go. I haven't thought about how I would write it and I didn't even think to write one, but, then again, it would do no good, as I am not dying but I do wish I were. Cursed Hourai Elixir, why on earth did I create you?! I wonder what would happen if I died, really, I wonder if Kaguya would be upset that I abandoned her? At least, she and Mokou did learn how to get along so I have faith in that they will take care of each other. Ran is going to be pissed if I were to die but she'd forgive me, I know. I want nothing more than to die and, the more I want to meet death, the further away I know it is. Well, there is no harm in feeling it but I will continue to live in misery and attempt it over and over again until the end of time. I suppose I would write my suicide letter now..._

_To whoever it concerns,_  
><em>This is Eirin writing and I am writing to inform you that I have passed on of my own terms. I want to sincerily inform you that I am sorry but I just couldn't go on. I just couldn't. I'm sorry, really I am, but I just couldn't live with all of this hell and uncertainty and the fact of suffering even more in captivity. I'm sorry but I just can't go on.<em>

_Please forgive me,_  
><em>Eirin.<em>


End file.
